A designer/artist stuck inside the body of a daydreamer. She shamelessly tags herself as the girl who eats a lot but never gets fat. She likes bands and shoes. And pizza.
☑ Celebrate my birthday with snail mails from people ;)
☑ Watch "The Vow" with a friend/s on Valentine's Day. And not cry.
☐ Graduate with honors on July 7, 2012.
☐ Work. And love my work.
☐ Have my heart healed.
☑ Either have very long hair or very short hair.
☐ Get to ride a plane.
☐ Treat my parents for their wedding anniversary.
☐ Have teal dip-dyed hair.
☑ See We Are The In Crowd live.
Yung tipong kaka-blog mo lang na hindi ka bitter about Valentine’s tas bigla mo siyang na-miss nang bonggang-bongga. Nananadya yung hypothalamus ko.
I have a favor. Can you all pray for me? Can you all pray for my strength for tomorrow? I feel very anxious and nervous right now, I don’t even know if I could sleep well tonight. Just so you know, we’ll be talking tomorrow. Yup, after more than a month, we’re going to talk face-to-face about the whole break up thing. It’s quite eating me whole right now, for I don’t know what to expect, what to think, what to say. I am so not ready to go home with a broken heart, let alone go home crying. I could already feel the loneliness once the talk ends. I can imagine it, and I can’t take it. :( So I seriously need prayers, please? I’m so disturbed by this feeling, I think tears are gonna fall any minute now. *sigh* :(
Can I blog my heart out? Yeah. Okay. So it’s been a month since the breakup. I’ve been coping quite better compared to how I did it in my other relationships. I haven’t cried for the past 2 weeks, I think? Oh, no. I did cry last week, during my birthday. Anyway, I think I’m starting to get used to this new life. I’ve started to get used to not receiving any sweet messages, I’ve started to get used to being alone most of the time in school, I’ve started to get used to leaving school without anyone accompanying me in going home. But, you know, it’s hard. I mean, I’ve also started to accept that it’s really ended already.
But there’s one thing that I really can’t accept for now. Or two things. One is that I cannot accept that everything just disappeared. No formal talks, no confrontations. I was forced to accept the breakup, to accept that the 3 long years have come to an end. I can’t believe how it happened, it felt unreal. It felt so unreal that I didn’t have any idea how to actually start moving on. Honestly, until now, I don’t know what to do. I can’t start to fully move on and accept everything because I didn’t get any decent apology. Nor was he making me feel that he was sorry for what he did. He treated me now like any other friend, he treated me like nothing happened at all. He’d laugh at the serious stuff I’m telling him. It’s annoying and painful at the same time. He’s dumb, insensitive, and immature. I can’t take it.
And yeah I think the second thing that’s hard for me to accept right now is hidden within the previous paragraph, I just can’t point it out specifically. Aaaah. Seriously, I just want a decent apology. I want to feel that he was actually sorry. ‘Cause I can’t feel it now. Made me wonder if all those years were a big joke. Really. I mean, I don’t think any guy would actually throw 3 wonderful years just like that. But he just did. What an asshole.
